I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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