You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
