He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
