Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
