I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
