and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize