We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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