I will die if light touches me.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
