I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
