please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
