How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
