I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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