She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
