I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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