Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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