Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
