Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
