Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
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He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
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I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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