I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.