I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.