3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
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i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
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It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.