i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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