Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
