we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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