dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
