Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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