Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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