So drunk its hurt
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
