you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
