Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
