elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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