You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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