All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
