my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
