Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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