i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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