Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize