That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
