well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
