am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
