I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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