I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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