And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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