you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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