It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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