oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
