I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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