just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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