My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
