Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
