I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
