I have demons in me.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
