can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I need to calm my uterus...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize