my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
