thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
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