You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
