how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
