watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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