There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
