i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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