I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
