I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
