I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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