I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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