I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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