he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
