I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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