he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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